The Black Door

Several generations ago, during one of the most turbulent of the desert wars in the Middle East, a spy was captured and sentenced to death by a general in the Persian army. The general, a man of intelligence and compassion, had adopted a strange and unusual custom in such cases. He permitted the condemned person to make a choice.

The prisoner could either face the firing squad or pass through the Black Door.

As the moment the execution drew near, the general ordered the spy be brought before him for a short, final, interview, the primary purpose of which was to receive the answer of the doomed man to the query: "What shall it be - the firing squad or the Black Door?" This was not an easy decision and the prisoner hesitated, but soon made it known that he preferred the firing squad to the unknown horrors that might wait for him behind the ominous and mysterious door. Not long thereafter, a volley of shots in the courtyard announced that the grim sentence had been fulfilled.

The general, staring at his boots, turned to his aide and said, "You see how it is with men; they will always prefer the known way to the unknown. It is characteristic of people to be afraid of the undefined.

Yet I gave him his choice.

"What lies beyond the Black Door?" asked the aide.

"Freedom," replied the General, "and I've known only a few men brave enough to take it."

I heard this story several years ago, and it totally rocked me. Is it true? I have no idea, but I recognize very well the spirit behind it. It changed my worldview, the way I thought. So often the fear of the unknown is so much bigger than the fear and/or despair of the situation in front of us, we'd rather just deal with what we see. In a very real way, it keeps us from living, and from living a life that transcends our every imagination. And you know what keeps us from that? This insidious thing called fear.

But, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

See, one of the enemy's greatest weapons is fear, and he knows it. It works so well, he doesn't have a whole lot of variety - why change what's not broken? If you have a great destiny (and you do), the best and easiest way for satan to block it is to wrap it up in fear - fear of failure, fear of risk, fear of trying, fear of people, fear of success (yeah, I went there), fear of... you fill in the space. If we don't have a foundation and a reality in Love, that fear will have us standing in front of a firing squad instead of opening the door to the journey of our destiny.

It's hard, I know. We've lived with fear all our lives, and when we've dealt with one layer, there's another issue that jumps out to taunt us. But Love is being perfected in us, as it says in the verse previous to the one I quoted. And as it get perfected in us, fear has no place. It gives way to expectation and anticipation, love of the adventure, because we have such a creative Daddy who loves to hide things for us to find - even behind big, black doors.

So when fear comes to overwhelm me and try to derail me from the awesomeness of my destiny, I refuse to turn away and sit in the execution square. I will open my self up to the perfection of His Love, and move forward into the unknown. He's a big God, He can take care of me, and I trust Him. And doors, no matter the color, usually open into wonderful opportunities, and if that's where God is leading, then that's where I'm going.










Are you coming?

A Summary of Thanks

So, it is the day of Thanksgiving. All month I have been giving thanks for small and big things in my life, and doing that for 25 days has really helped me appreciate everything around me. I think it's wonderful to spend a little bit of everyday reflecting on what we are grateful for, not just on Thanksgiving, and not just through the Christmas season. The quality of life changes, not because it's better, but because I see it through "thanks" colored glasses. When I see how much there is to be thankful for, negativity seems like an uninvited guest that has overstayed its welcome. I look over the past month, and I see that I've been thankful for:

- My friend Liz
- A place to stay, food to eat and wonderful family and friends when I was jobless and car less
- My siblings and sibling-in-law
- My friends
- A temp job
- Friends I hadn't seen in nearly a decade
- My mom who takes care of me when I'm sick
- The privilege of waking up in the morning, even when I'm ill and prefer to stay asleep
- My soul being thankful and singing to the Lord, "My soul sings, my soul sings, my soul sings, how I love YOU!"
- Those in the military who have put their lives on the line for my freedom.
- Being in the life of my friend Heather
- Beautiful days that uplifts my spirits, even when I'm not depressed.
- Laughter
- John and Camille who fixed my car
- Feathers and butterflies
- Slightly nippy, "feels-like-Thanksgiving" weather
- The fact that I am totally, completely, incredibly, amazingly, thoroughly and unconditionally loved
- Sunrises and sunsets; moments of beauty that help me appreciate my life, slow down and enjoy
- The rain
- A new long term job
- The opportunity to serve a thanksgiving meal to those who wouldn't ordinarily have one
- God in my life
- A wonderful night's sleep

Some big things, some so small, I would never have thought to appreciate them if my heart wasn't turned towards thankfulness. In a prior post I said, "In the great times, I will praise Him. In the dark times, I will trust Him. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Even when everything seems to be going awry, I will continue trusting the Lord, and find something to thank Him for.

There are many verses I could quote, but I chose this one: Philippians 4:6-7, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made know unto God; an the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Be thankful, be blessed and be at Peace!

Nature's first hue is gold

Just for the record, I am not a morning person. I just needed to establish that from the beginning. There's a phrase in French, bonne heure, that means early morning. The literal translation is good hour. I'm thinking a morning person made that phrase up, because early morning and good hour do not go together in my book.

But lately, I have been getting up earlier. The window in my bedroom faces west, looking into the side of our neighbor's house and a medium-sized light oak tree. When I wake up early enough, the sun, peeking over our house from the east, shines it's light on the tree, and for a moment, everything looks golden. It reminds me of that Robert Frost poem, Nothing Gold Can Stay:


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.


It's strange; I watch that golden tree, and everything is all right for a while. It's easy to talk to and listen to God. It's easy to remember to be thankful for everything in my life. It's wonderful to look at my day and see the opportunities. It's easy to smile. It's no problem to be content with the world. And I find myself waking up at that hour, without even an alarm, to catch Nature's first green on that tree. And... it is a good hour.

You Love Me!

I woke up this morning to these words floating around in my mind, and so I put them together wrote them down. And so here it is.

You love me Lord!
I am assured of this one thing
You love me
The best thing about my day
You love me
It fills me with such pleasure, God
You love me
and You will never go away!

You love me, Abba!
You remind me time and again
You love me
That knowledge makes me weak
You love me
I am so precious to You Father
You love me
That love washes over me!

You love me Papa!
I just can't get over the way
You love me
It's so incredible to believe
You love me
How great is Your mercy and love, oh God
You love me
It brings me to my knees!

You love me, Daddy!
I'll shout it from the heights
You love me
Even to the deepest depths
You love me
A love so big, so amazing
You love me
It's something I will never forget!

Daddy

I wrote this poem some years ago, and I loved it then. But after I heard a teaching, I realized that I needed to make a change. The poem was about Jesus, but as I went over it in my mind, I realized that all the attributes were of God the Father. There are many ways to interpret that, but I will just leave it at how much I love and trust my Daddy.

Daddy

God?
-Yes dear.
I crawl into His lap and
look into His eyes.
I study His face,
memorize Him by touch.
-Nothing.
I just want to know You.
-I know, He smiles.

Abba!
Frightened by the storms,
I cling to Him.
-Yes, My child.
He becomes a strong shelter;
a Rock that draws me near,
One who is not shaken.
-Nothing.
I just want to know You're there.
His strong arms protect me.
-I know.

Papa God
I cry.
I sob with a bleeding broken heart
dejected, rejected in my hands.
-Yes, My love.
He takes the heart,
bruised and battered by people and life,
and exchanges it for His.
Restored and whole,
I draw near to Him.
-Nothing.
I jsut want to hear Your voice,
feel Your love.
-I know, He says
and draws me to Himself.

Daddy?
-Yes, precious.
I look with love into His face,
nesteled agains His chest,
enthralled by His heartbeat.
As I sit in His presence,
absolutely embraced
in His powerfully loving arms,
words fail me;
not even necessary.
I enjoy just...
Him.
-I know.

Reflections

A friend of the family was hit by a drunk driver and killed yesterday. Apparently it was a hit and run, not sure of all the details. I got a wake up call, quite literally, from my dad at 6:30 this morning. The only reason I answered it was because he's out of the country right now and I don't have a call back number. But after asking how everybody was, he asked me if I had heard (the family friend lives in Texas). I went from barely conscious to quite awake in no time flat. We become desensitized to these things, but when it's someone you know, however casually, it's a shock. And even though I didn't know Steve very well, he was a close friend of my father. What struck me most was how stunned my father was. He mentioned several times that Steve had called him a couple of times, and he hadn't had the chance to call him back. His voice was so full of regret, remorse and self-recrimination and I felt sorry for him. Steve was a close friend, yet his busy life got the best of him. Life is so brief, such a whisper in the wind, and we tend to live like it's all we have. What regrets would Steve have had? That's hard to know- it's a moot point in any case. But what regrest do his ex-wife and his two kids now bear? What promises unfulfilled, what words unsaid, or wish were unsaid? And good friends, like my dad, what "what ifs" are still floating around in their minds, weighing them down with guilt?

It's a reflection for me, especially that regret my dad for not calling back. We've become so busy in our society, we forget to have time for each other. "I'll call later" turns into, "I was so busy, I forgot." We do 'things', these activities, and they seem to take precedence over our relationships with each other. But if we were to put a pause button on our lives and look them over, what lasting moments would we find? How often did we choose things eternal over things temporal? What do we value, and how does that show up in our choices in how we govern and spend our time? For me, just being utterly transparent right now, I have a deep hunger for true, strong relationships and community, and I keep knocking my head against the busyness that seems to be a high value right now. It's so hard when everything around us wants 48 hours out of our 24-hour day. But when someone is suddenly gone from my life, or at the end of my own, whenever that may be, the last thing I want on my heart and mind is regrets about how I just didn't make enough time for those I love and care about.

This life is short, and so temporary - love hard.

River of Dreams

I was cleaning out my dad's desk, and I found a tape (yeah, I know) I made when I was in high school of songs that I particularly liked. I popped it in when I was working out, and came upon "The River" by Garth Brooks. It really struck me mightily, so I wanted to share. Now I could go into explanations and interpretations, but I think if you read it, it will speak to you in it's own way...

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

3 letters

I've been thinking about the names of God recently, and I thought about the one I love the most, the one that totally overcomes and overwhelms me: He is the I AM. It amazes me so much because it's so... encompassing. I love Jesus as my Lover, but He is more than that to me. I love Him as my Comforter and Provider, but He is more than that. He is my Shield, my Bridegroom, my Friend, my Guide, but so much more. The Bright and Morning Star, the Root of Jesse, the Holy One, the Alpha and Omega, Kings of Kings and Lord of Lords - He is all that, but oh, so much more!

I tend to be drawn to songs that emphasize the complete "AM"-ness of God, that begin to try to name His awesome characteristics, but come back to the fact that He is everything, or even that He just... is. I am brought to the fact that in Exodus 3, when Moses was asking God for His introductory profile to present to the Israelites, God said in vs. 14, "I AM WHO I AM... thus you shall say to the children of Israel, I AM has sent me to you." He IS. It's so plain and simple, it blows my mind with it's greatness. In the Hebrew language, the name "I AM" is related to the verb "to be", which inherently implies the absolute existence of God. Wow.

What actually got me reflecting on all this was the passage in John 8 when the Jews were disputing with Jesus, and He mentions that if people kept His word that they will never see death. That led to talk of Abraham, and finally to question how Jesus had seen Abraham since He wasn't even an old man. His response? "...before Abraham was, I AM." I sit in amazement still. That sentence displays the timelessness, the ever present-ness of Jesus. He transcends time - before Abraham was born, He was, He IS right now, He will always BE. I am undone. Two words, three letters, and it cries out the complete essence of God. I AM.

My Commission

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."

Isaiah 61:1-3

Just a reminder...

When He Held Me

So God has recently been pressing upon me a testimony that happened my senior year in college that I hadn't thought about in years. There is something that He wants to show me, but I think maybe there's something He can show you, too...

It was early October; I had just done an all-nighter to finish a paper due that morning, and was considering taking a nap before I had to get ready for class. Our apartments were behind a night club, and I heard a ruckus, thinking it was the regular dawn crowd. I looked outside our balcony, and this man was jumping up and down yelling "fuego! Fuego!" I could hardly grasp the significance of this when I smelled some acrid smoke. I awoke my roommates and we evacuated our apartment. We saw that the fire was coming from the apartment 3 doors over and 1 floor down, but it didn't seem large, and we heard the firetrucks coming. We dashed in to grab some important things and wait for the fire to be put out so we can go back to our lives. I realized I wasn't going to get to class on time, so my roommates and I trekked to the office to call our morning professors to let them know we wouldn't be in class. Walking back to the parking lot in front of our place, we crested the hill and stopped in shock. If you've seen pictures of the bombing of Hiroshima, you might have an idea of what we saw. There was this huge black smoke cloud rising from the top of the apartments, with dark orange angry flames in the center. Suddenly I knew we wouldn't be in class at all that day. There was shocked whispering among the residents, and the word "asbestos" came up. It was an old apartment building, and the roof still had that cancerous material in it. If by any chance any of the units escape the flames, everything still would be condemned. That day, I walked away with my backpack, my car and a pair of pink pajamas.

What followed I couldn't make up in my wildest dreams. I spent the next eight weeks tossing between the couches of some good friends. My sorority was beginning our orientation period, a time of intense bible studies and bonding activities that took place every day for over three weeks, and I was president at the time. I got into a car accident, and somehow got myself involved in identity theft. I realized it when I was trying to find another apartment and my application was declined. A couple of verses from Job came to mind during that time - "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" and "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will return. Blessed be the Name of the Lord." I thought it facetiously; in actuality, I was at peace, and had a certain joy in how my Lord loved me and was taking care of me. I was homeless, but I always had a place to stay. My teachers extended grace for my projects. Money kept coming to me like I never imagined. My wallet was never empty: people I didn't even know were handing me money, my church supported me, and two of my frat brothers withdrew more than they could afford, I'm sure and God bless them, and just handed me hundreds of dollars. Phillipians 4:11-13 was very close to me during that time, because I lived it: Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The National Board of my sorority admonished my for not letting them know of my need. It couldn't be helped, I didn't experience any material need.

So the last week of class, I began feeling like someone ran over me with a steamroller, picked me up, shook me out and put me through the wringer. Yeah, I came down with the flu for the first time ever. (Side note: cough syrup with codeine- very VERY bad.) I was getting ready for class because, as I said before, it was the final week before finals started, and I had test and major papers to finish. I was at my friend's apartment (still homeless at this point) and putting on my sneakers as another friend was telling me how not well I looked. She took it upon herself to take off one shoe while I was putting on the other, and as I tried to put that one back on, she took of the other shoe and told me I wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't think straight, couldn't even stand up straight. I finally gave in, and she tucked me in on the couch before leaving. I was by myself in the apartment, so achy and a bit worried about classes, but in the end just crying out to God. I don't recall praying for anything, just needing Him so much. Suddenly I felt His arms around me, like a hug from behind, and I heard Him saying "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine." I wept and wept, knowing that My God was taking care of me, meeting my every need, even my need to be held and cradled when I was worn down, weary and sick.

To me, that's such an amazing testimony of the goodness and loving kindness of God, and I am so surprised that I haven't thought about it in years. What is God showing me, reminding me of all this? I don't quite know, but I am trying to listen and learn. What is God telling you?

A love that changes a people

Recently, I was talking to a friend about movies and Braveheart came up. I watched it once and thought it was good, but not one I'm gung-ho to see again. My friend was not of the same opinion at all. He said that it was the most romantic movie he had ever seen. Yes, he's a he, and as far as I know, very straight. He went on to explain what he meant. Mel Gibson's character was a peaceable man, not wanting to get involved in the struggles that plagued the country. He falls in loves and marries a girl he has known since childhood,and when she is killed, he changes. Because of her love and his love for her, he rallies a whole nation to stand up and fight for their freedom. To change from being overpowered and cowed under, to a people of pride. Then my friend said something that has stuck with me for these last several weeks; he said to name another movie/story where love so changes a man, who changes a nation (or words to that effect). I thought of some good movies with great love stories, but he was right. When I thought about it, he was really right.

So, I've got this friend who's got lots of relationship problems, and her main issue is that she doesn't see herself worthy of a decent guy. She keeps getting into these bad relationships, keeps getting hurt, and doesn't understand why. I'm trying to encourage her, help her understand that she needs to like and respect herself before she can expect anyone else to. She once asked me how I can be so confident and self-respecting, so sure of myself. I didn't consciously think this before, but at that point and ever since I realized what it was. Jesus loves me unconditionally, no matter what, and when the Creator of the Universe is madly in love with you, you can't help but feel loved, and appreciate the person He loves. Because of His love, any guy who treats me with less than that respect doesn't even stand a chance. Jesus' love is so deep, He went through hell to get me (yeah, literally). That's kinda hard to live up to...

I found it very interesting that these two subjects have come up in the last couple weeks, because yes, I found the one story that compares. I'm sure you saw this coming. God's, Jesus', love for us was so compelling that he changed from Godly form and took on the form of a man to go to the cross, take on our sins, and reunite us with God. That's a very blasé summery that doesn't touch on a fraction of the passion involved, but there you are. A love that changes a man (in a matter of speaking - changes Jesus into a man), which has changed and continues to change not only a nation, but nations. That is the ultimate love story. That's Who loves me, and with Whom I am in love.

I am Forever Yours

So... I've been without a job since January. I quit working at my dad's store so that I could student teach. I had very little coming in from tutoring, but that soon dried up. After my student teaching stint, I've been looking earnestly for a job. I trust God and that He will provide, but I knew I had to do my part and actually search. The thing is, I was sending out applications and resumes by the dozens and not getting a fraction of responses back. I think I had one interview in all that mess, back in May. So, two weeks ago is when stuff really got to me. I had no job and no prospect of a job, and I had no more savings and bills were due within a couple of days. Frustrated, I wondered what God was doing. I feel like that at that point, satan was taunting me about my situation - kind of like in a Job-like sense, saying that God doesn't really care about me. I got so mad, and something clicked in my heart. I knew without a doubt that if this situation didn't resolved the way I wanted it to, If God's timing wasn't my own in regards to bills, if I never saw God do another thing for me, I still will trust Him. He is still good, He is still sovereign, and nothing will convince me otherwise. How do I describe the paradox of that liberating feeling, that even though I was in trouble, I still loved, trusted and believed in God? Go figure. The very next day, a friend called me and told me she went home and was thinking and praying about our conversation. I don't even remember having a conversation with her about all this. I barely saw her that week. But she called me up and she said she and her husband would like to help me with all my bills for July. I cried.

Oh, but wait... that one interview in May? The manager for the company was impressed, but because of the economy, they couldn't hire me. So a couple days after miracle #1, I get an email from the owner of the company, telling me that the manager recommended me for the assistant director position, and would I be available for an interview? What a question. Anytime, anywhere...

Oh, and then... I get a call from the president of the campus ministry I've been volunteering for, doing administrative work and such. He's calling to see if I would be interested in being hired temporarily to finish the database project. I was very exhilarated, but I did mention my other full time possibility. He understood and was willing to work around my schedule. Then he mentioned what they could pay, and I was overwhelmed and flabbergasted. I thanked him and told him I would get back with him when I heard from the other job and tried to get off the phone before I completely lost it. As I was getting off, he asked if I was all right. "I'm just so ha-appy!" I bawled. Yeah, go me. But honestly, Go God. I think of Job, Daniel, Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego...

Tonight, I was at a service and learned a new song. Here's the chorus:
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

Mountain high or valley low
I sing out, remind my soul
That I am Yours
I am forever yours

So in the great times, I will praise him. In the dark times, I will trust Him. Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Amen.

Speaking in the Silence

I’ve been sitting underneath the teaching for the last couple of weeks specifically about the voice of God and His will and what not. I began to think about a lot of things. As I was making sense of it all, one thing came to the forefront: When God speaks with silence, and two examples immediately came to mind. Some friends of mine moved to Austin because they felt God was leading them here. After some time, the husband couldn't find any work, and they didn’t know where to go. They decided to move back to where they were before, notified their landlord, cancelled trash pick up and everything. Just before moving, they met with their pastor and explained everything that was going on. The pastor didn’t give them advice, but asked them this: What was the last thing God spoke to them about moving to Austin? They realized that even though the situation changed, God’s plan didn’t. And so they stayed. Twenty-odd years later, they are still here and extremely blessed.

I know we get frustrated with not being able to hear and discern God’s voice, but I realize that sometimes we’re asking Him questions He’s already answered and that we’ve forgotten or, even better, that we didn’t like the answer to. My brother and sister-in-law are a young married couple, still trying to build a stable base. After having one kid while still in college, they prayed about using birth control. They were on the way out the door to the doctor's office when they sat down, prayed and opened the bible. They opened right up to Isaiah 7, and verse 7 jumped out at them: "And the Lord God said, 'It shall not stand, nor shall it come to pass.'" Needless to say, they didn't go. Immediately, they had aonther child. Soon after that, she became pregnant with the third. Seeking God during this time, they were thinking, young married, three kids, one income, etc., it’s time to slow down a bit. They weren’t getting a clear answer, so out of logic, they began birth control. That apparently makes no difference in the plans of God, because they became pregnant again, and yes, with twins. My brother and sister-in-law lovingly refer to them as their double whammies. Some people may be reassured that no matter what, we can’t stand in the way of His purposes. Talk to my sister-in-law, I’m sure she can let you know if she was reassured in the moment of discovery or not…

Someone told me of something called the ax head principle. I can’t honestly tell you the entire teaching, but it comes from II Kings 6:1-7, where the sons of the prophets were building a house, and one of them lost the iron ax head in the river. They were distraught, and appealed to Elisha, who the asked, “Where did it fall?” When they showed him, he threw a stick in the water and made the iron ax head float. So the principle is this in a nutshell: if you don’t know what direction to go, go back to the last thing God spoke to you and move from that point. I quote several ministers I’ve heard lately, “God is always speaking.” We just may not realize it because He may be saying the same thing He’s said before, and we maybe expecting a different word. Maybe we just need to listen to the silence and hear what He says.

Dancing With God

I got this in my email today, and it really struck me. I thought it too good and too profound not to pass it on...

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word
and I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person,
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw 'G': I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'i'.
'God, 'u' and 'i' dance.' God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life and once
again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
And mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God, as God abides in you.
Dance together with God,
trusting God to lead and to guide you through each
season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life,
Please share this message with someone else.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue
to pray for one another.
And I Hope You Dance !

My Persona

I've been thinking alot about my persona. I've heard this phrase for months now, and I know for a fact that I am beloved in God's eyes. No problem, that's awesome, I love and cherish that. It's a lifting, freeing knowledge that guides my belief and confidence in His love for me.

Then about a month ago I get this word: 'I see you today dressed in a flowing white wedding gown hiding invincible armor- with shield and sword held in victory - warriors stance yet soft loving eyes and a smile - looks cool! it says 'love for the light - darkness be warned!' Awesome word in and of itself, and I've gotten similar ones. Then I thought, wait. I've gotten many similar ones. I began to mentally review all the times I've heard or saw a wedding dress or marriage in a word or a vision, and I finally put the pieces together (I'm a smart girl, but sometimes, oh so clueless...). Every time I get a specific word, a life changing word, a particularly encouraging word, I'm usually in a wedding dress, and more often than night, I'm wearing armour or boots or have a sword and/or sheild. His warring bride.

This blows my mind. I AM His beloved, His promised one, and I have accepted assignments in His war against evil. He cherishes me and He trusts me to carry out His plans and purposes. I am amazed; I am encouraged, and I am embolden. It's hard to feel inferior and beat down when the God of the universe feels that way about you, and lets you know about it. Not only am I loved, I am valued and I matter, and I am trusted and being continuously equipped. So, who are you?

Good Friday

Service on Friday was... mind-shattering. I remembered that it was 14 years ago on Good Friday that I completely gave myself over to my Lord, and I was compeletely overwhelmed by His love. As I was remembering that night 14 years ago, I remembered how I felt about God's sacrifice, God's amazing love for me, and my reaction to that was to totally surrender everything to Him. I reflected on how that has affected me since then - my decisions, reactions and such. While I haven't totally gone back on that, I realized that I haven't filtered everything through His love, especially recently.

Even though it's been several years since I watch the Passion of Christ, scenes played vividly through my mind. That is love - self-sacrificing, desperate, do-what-ever-it-takes love - and I want that for my God, my Jesus. As I was worshipping, His love was so real to me, I couldn't stop crying, so... overwhelmed. His awesomeness, Holiness and Majesty was so present, I could only kneel, and then bow before Him. How do I describe it? I can't completely, the words I have are not enough. I felt His presence brush against me, caressing and enfolding me, and I'd never felt so loved. As I knelt, a woman prayed for me, and afterward, she told me she sensed Jesus, as the Bridegroom, hovering over me with His arms around me, comforting, caressing, and kissing me. She had this sense that He was saying how beautiful I was and that He loved me very much. As I thought about it, this is who He is to me right now in this season; my Lover, my Bridegroom. It was so sweet, so thick - thick worship, intimate and holy communion.

And my filter definitely has been adjusted. For some reason, Romans 12:1-2 came to mind: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service (act of worsip). And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." I guess it was the renewing of my mind part. My God filter has been renewed, and it will change the way I think, see people, and act.

Happy Ressurection Sunday!

The Floating Ax Head

This passage in II Kings 6:1-7 has me really puzzled. Let me put it here and save you the trouble of looking it up:

"And the sons of the prophets said to Elisha, “See now, the place where we dwell with you is too small for us. Please, let us go to the Jordan, and let every man take a beam from there, and let us make there a place where we may dwell.” So he answered, “Go.” Then one said, “Please consent to go with your servants.” And he answered, “I will go.” So he went with them. And when they came to the Jordan, they cut down trees. But as one was cutting down a tree, the iron ax head fell into the water; and he cried out and said, “Alas, master! For it was borrowed.” So the man of God said, “Where did it fall?” And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float. Therefore he said, “Pick it up for yourself.” So he reached out his hand and took it."

Now, this is placed in between a passage about Elisha's servant, Gehazi, when he becomes greedy and manages to get leprosy as a consequence, and when the Syrian army surrounded where Elisha was, and he prayed that his servant woud see that those who were with them were more than those who were with the army. I understand that all the stories are placed in the Bible for a reason, I'm just grasping for one for this. Yes, it is a miracle that Elisha made the ax head float, but there is something more, and I just don't get it. Any ideas?

TTWWADI

There was a part of the sermon on Sunday at my church where the pastor was reminding us, from II Corinthians 5:7, that we live by faith and not by sight. We do need to move beyond the realm of reason and operate in faith. This is the point that hit hard for me: Just because things are the way they are does not mean that they are the way they should be. He said that in order to do what cannot be done, we need to see what cannot be seen. That's an awesome word right there, because it speaks at settling for what's around us, even though something amazing could be right outside of the box of "the way things are."

One of the most interesting examples hit me between the eyes the next day. I was at a teaching conference, and the opening speaker began to ask why railroad tracks were a certain length apart. The people who designed the railroad modeled them after the axles of wagon wheels. So why were wagon wheels designed that length apart? They were patteren after the carriages in England. Why were those wheels design that way? Because, if they weren't, the axles and wheels tended to break, because of the ruts that were already on the paths and roads. Where did those ruts come from? Way back in the Roman empire, the chariots were designed that way, and the heavy use of them made those ruts. So why were the chariots designed with wheels 8 and some odd feet across? Because that was the width of two horses... er, rear ends. So why do we have train tracks 8 and some odd feet across, with mountain passes and tunnels only a bit wider? Because of horses rears. The term the speaker coined was TTWWADI - that's the way we've always done it.

Now realize that he was talking about methods in education, but man oh man, did I see the connection. Do we limit ourselves to the way things are because that's the way we've always done it, and that's all we know? I am so glad that people haven't, otherwise we wouldn't be where we are today. But personally, what's the status quo in your life, because you can't imagine anything different? That's a dangerous question, I know, because once you break out of TTWWADI, nothing will be the same. Is that a risk you're willing to take?

Peace I give to you...

So an amazing thing (to me) happened the other day. I was coordinating a wedding, and the rehearsal and ceremony was this past Friday and Saturday. All through the preparation, the bride was pretty laid back and even keeled. The week of the wedding, the pastor officiating became deathly ill, and she had some major problems with her thesis work up until the eve of the rehearsal. Needless to say she was a little keyed up. Not a lot, but those things were quite unsettling. Anyway we got through decorating and the rehearsal, and the bridal party left en masse for the dinner. It wasn't the most stressful time I'e had, but I was glad to get some breathing time. The bride called me saying she left some stuff at the church, and she sounded wound up. She came back and got her stuff, and I just took one look at her and grabbed her for a hug. My thinking was that I couldn't offer her anything any more than a physical support to everything she was going through. When she finally stepped back, her eyes went wide, and she kind of breathed a surprised wow. I'm like, what happened? She said she felt an incredible amount of peace when I hugged her, a peace that just flowed over her. Really? Are you kidding me? But no, I saw her leave much calmer than she had been all evening.

So what was that all about? Random thoughts rushed through my head, and the second thought that I grabbed onto was that part in Lord of the Rings when Lady Arwyn was taking Frodo to her father, and he was fading fast. As she held him, she declared something like, "Let the grace given to me pass unto you." Not word for word, but that hit me kind of hard. But the first thing, and the most recurring thing that I thought of was that verse somewhere in the New Testament where it says something like, "Peace I give to you, but not as the world gives." God has given me peace, and incredible amount of peace. After going through some earth shattering trials, and some soul and spirit wrenching healing, I've come through with the knowledge the Jesus is my Everything, and nothing else. What I didn't know is how I could relay that, how I could share it. But as I looked at that bride to be who was totally transformed by a simple hug, I knew that God was taking care of that, spreading that peace He'd given me to others, just by me doing what I do, "doing the daily", as my brother says.

So the next day, as I'm taking care of the little details, I check in on the bride in her preparation room every now and then, and at one point in time, everyone was dispatched elsewhere, and I just chatted with her about nothing and everything. Someone came back and wanted to see how she was doing, sure she would be a little uptight and nervous, but she just smiled and sat back and told the other girl that she was just relaxing and enjoying the peace I brought with me. I can't begin to explain how amazing that seems to me, but how much that encourages me.

So, may I bless you with that same peace? In John 14:27, Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Blessing upon you, and let the Peace that passes all understanding invade your hearts and minds.