A friend and I were talking to a former student who's going through a crisis and needed counsel, and my friend had this analogy: We're driving a car down a very dark road, and even though we have our headlights on we still can't see very much of anything. When we give up wanting complete control over everthing in our lives and turn that control over to God, He flips on the moon, and suddenly we can see our way.
I hung out with that same friend later and we were talking about our triumphs and struggles and battles. I told her of a time during camp I had the overwhelming experience of really feeling the enormity of God's love for people - and that only being a very tiny liver of it - and being totaly and completely overwhelmed. Then, I had a glimpse of how He felt when people rejected that love, I was undone. Like sucking carpet. I can't begin to describe the feeling, the hurt, yearning and sadness. The love of God is amazing...
So when I got home, there was a nearly full moon, so I went out on my balcony to think, pray, ponder, whatever. I had several things going through my mind, nothing too coherent, and then I saw it: dark clouds were floating around the moon, but thinner clouds enveloped it. The darks clouds began to completely obscure the moon, but the thin clouds carried the shine of the moon and made it look like someone flipped on a light switch. Things kept rushing through my mind, different prophecies about my capacity for love and deep compassion, and how God keeps knocking walls down. Then I remembered a time not long after I completely gave myself over to Christ when I heard God say to me that He wanted me to show people the love He had for them, and He would use my love of languages for that purpose. I bent over the rail, realizing that was my purpose, who I was, and I didn't need excuses. That's why songs like "How He Loves Us" means so much to me, no matter how many times I hear it. That is what God created me to be, and it hurts, it's so dissatisfying not to be that person.
Much more to be said, thought about and prayed through but I looked up and the dark clouds had totally hidden the moon. Almost before I could process that, I felt the Lord say, "I've already shown you the way, and you now know where to go. So go."
And so I went.
